Tuesday, February 14, 2006

More song lyrics...what does it mean when your words dry up and leave you to rely on the words of others, like a verbal vampire? I stumbled upon these on a website devoted to eating disorders, and especially now, especially today, they make so much sense. They're from the song "Courage" by this kick-ass band Superchick.

I told another lie today
and I got through the day
No one saw through my games
I know the right words to say--
"I'm not feeling well,"
"I ate before I came..."
Then someone tells me how good I look
and for a moment I feel happy
But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry...

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Somehow we'll make it through another day...

I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
What I do know is how I've changed my life forever
I know I should know better
There are days when I'm OK
And for a moment, for a moment I find hope
There are days when I'm not OK
And I need your help
So I'm letting go...

Well, I have an Organic Chemistry prelim on Thursday that I should be studying for, so I suppose I'll do that now...I have a good feeling about this exam. I feel like I've really mastered all the material, but I guess we'll see how I feel at 9:00 Thursday evening. I really need to eat. I really need to be running on all six (or is it eight now?) cylinders for this test...so that when the time comes for me to apply to med school (I've already begun Cornell's pre-application process, which seems more convoluted and fiddly than the actual medical school applications themselves...I'm trying not to think about that too much, because when I do I invariably hyperventilate).
Ciao, Bella.

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