Wednesday, April 25, 2007

So, I'm about to graduate, and I should really be working on papers, but I just can't get up the enthusiasm. So here's a list of things I've learned during college--that weren't on any of the syllabi.

If the class has more than 50 people, you don't need to go every day. Unless it's Organic Chemistry. Then you should bite, kick and scratch to get a good seat. Come early.

As long as you get there before the prof does, you're not actually late.

You don't really need to separate lights from darks. Also, the size of a load of laundry is solely dependent on how much you can stuff into the machine.

Open relatioships are like...the Manhattan project for a drama bomb.

One beer is good. Two beers are better. But three beers? Definitely worse. It's a parabola sort of situation.

If the professor asks, "Who actually did the reading?" Always raise your hand. ALWAYS.

If you want to ask someone out, do. Otherwise, when they finally sidle up to you six months later, you may not be able to restrain yourself from making sarcastic remarks.

Hitting on profs and TAs is only wrong if a) they say no or b) you get caught by the administration.

Your 'slender' friend suddenly becomes a whale when you have to drag her, as drunken dead weight, the 16 blocks back to the house.

Nothing you have yet experienced will compare to the mortification of explaining your ingrown bikini-hair abcess symptoms to the nurse at the campus health center's front desk. In front of God and everyone.

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