Monday, June 11, 2007

A jaunty look for a day of soul-crushing corporate boredom

Well, I got me a job. And it's not a crappy cubicle-dwelling mouse-jockey job like Miss Career Separates up there undoubtedbly has. Yee-haw! (I've only been back in KC for a week and already I've noticed the clear Yankee diction I acquired during four years at Cornell going out the proverbial window. 'We're going to the store' becomes 'We're goin-ta the store;' 'Are you going to come?' slides into 'Y'gonna come?' Oh well. I'll just have to practice my various speech patterns to keep in locutionary shape for medical school interviews). But back to the job: A clinical research assistant at a big hospital in Kansas City, that does does research affiliated with Wash-U and Harvard! Again I say, yee-haw! So, as a slightly blasphemous thank-you to all the saints I prayed to, here are some saints I wish existed:


Saint Josephine of Lesbos: born on the storied isle of Lesbos, from an early age the Saint insisted on being called Jo. Her first miracle occured during a particularly unseasonable Mediterranean winter, when she and her sisters were about to freeze to death in their light togas. They huddled together for warmth (among other things) and when they awoke, they discovered that their clothing had been transformed from a light linen to a thick cloth in a distinct pattern of interlaced crosses (later to be called plaid). Jo said that during the night she had a dream in which the Holy Mother told her that the cloth was to be called 'flannel,' and that henceforth they should all wear it. Saint Josephine is the patron of female folk singers, auto mechanics (she could fix anyone's oxcart or ship) and the LPGA.


Saint Ristretto: born in 16th century Rome, Saint Ristretto was the child of a pagan mercenary and a devout seamstress. His father abandoned the family when Ristretto was very young, leaving his mother to care for their eight children on her own. She was often overwhelmed, and her labors made her very tired, but whenever Ristretto came and talked with her she found that she had more than enough energy to stay up all night hemming dresses for the Medicis. He had an exhilarating effect on all he met, though his prolonged presence made some jittery and gave others heartburn. He managed to enroll in the school of law in Rome, where he spent up to three days at a time studying Latin texts without sleeping. His presence enabled other students to stay up as well. His first miracle occurred the night before the final exam in "How to Rob the Hell Out of Poor People and Get Away With it 101, or: Trickle Down Economics." (You didn't think Reagan came up with that, did you?) His cellmate, who had never even cracked open the textbook, was able through the Saint's presence to cram an entire semester's study into one night. He passed with a B. Saint Ristretto is the patron of shift workers, students (especially during finals week) and 'bottomless' cups of coffee at cheap diners.

Don't go away...more fun to come.


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