Monday, August 13, 2007

Don't you think that just once, medical school interview committees would like to hear a little honesty? Don't you think they'd find that utterly refreshing? I got to thinking about this, and came up with some answers to standard interview questions that might fit the bill. These aren't my answers, obviously... my motivations for pursuing a medical career are pure as freshly driven snow. I can tell you, however, through my great experience with lots of underslept, overcaffeinated and hyperstressed premeds: sometimes the filter between brain and mouth slips. Especially right before organic chemistry midterms. And then you realize that your classmates' motivations are, frequently, as pure as the snow in the yard of a person who owns six dogs. Yellow. Here's what I imagine some of my fellows would say, if they were being straightforward:

The infamous "What's your greatest weakness?"
Standard answer: My perfectionism. or, My tendency to put others first and neglect myself.
Honest answer: I'm having a hard time deciding. It could be my tendency to fly into a homicidal rage when I'm contradicted, or my inherent and intractible laziness. You pick.

"I noticed you haven't had much work experience."
Standard answer: That's because between my honors-level course load and time volunteering with stray, disabled inner-city kittens, I just didn't have the time.
Honest answer: I was going to get a job, but then I decided: hey, my parents are both rich doctors and I have a trust fund. Fuck it.

"What drew you to medicine?"
Standard answer: I want to help people. or, I was inspired by the story of Dr. _____, and I knew I wanted to follow in her footsteps.
Honest answer: The money and the sex. I plan to use my position of power as an aphrodisiac, just like Kissinger. I look forward to abusing nurses and interns without fear of retribution. Also, both my parents are physicians and I lack imagination.

"What do you do for fun? What are your hobbies?"
Standard answer: Volunteering, reading, painting, writing, running, doing yoga, cooking vegetarian meals...(these are actually all my hobbies, coincidentally)
Honest answer: If I'm not playing tennis at the club, I usually hang out with my friends watching reruns of Law and Order, smoking pot and eating ice cream. Unless someone has coke.

"What would you do if you saw a fellow medical student cheating on an exam?"
Standard answer: I'd talk to them, and encourage them to confess. If they didn't do it, I'd tell the professor myself.
Honest answer: Blackmail them for all they're worth--for money if they're loaded, sexual favors if they're not. Or both. It would depend on my mood.

That's today's helping of vim, vigor and vituperativeness, kids. I'll be studying for the GRE(hence, the vocabulary--hell, who am I kidding, I use words like that in everyday conversation.) in an effort to get into an MD-PhD or MD-MDiv program (yes, they exist), so postings may be sparse. I'll keep you in the loop. Excelsior!

1 comment:

A-Dub said...

Anne, I miss your sense of humor!