Tuesday, September 04, 2007

People you'd think would be really boring, but are often quite interesting:

Librarians: They read a lot, which is always cool, because reading gives you more crazy stuff to bring up at cocktail parties. They're usually smart. As a rule, they will not leave their dirty clothes all over your apartment, whether in their capacity as a roommate or a lover.
Professors: Also smart, which is sexy. If you happen to be proficient in their area of expertise, you can talk for hours. Many professors are heavy drinkers, and drinking (as we know) is cool. Warning: as you light up those cigarettes in bed, they may tell you you've earned "A B+ overall, but an A for effort."
Priests: Some of the most nonconformist, radical people I know are priests (see: Daniel Berrigan et al). Catholic priests often drink and smoke without compunction. Anglicans let women be priests, and also let priests marry. Which means you can totally flip your Catholic friends out by saying, "Well, my priest's husband..."
Psychiatrists: They have the best stories, though of course due to privacy laws they can't tell you any names. Psychiatry is hands-down the craziest profession out there, narrowly beating out alligator wrestling and working as an FBI mole in the Russian mob. Seriously, as a group psychiatrists have one of the highest rates of mental illness and suicide. Hopefully any psychiatrists you befriend have one of the 'fun' mental illnesses. Oh man, I'm going to hell.

On the other hand, there are also people you'd think would be super-awesome, but who actually nurse incredible personality defects. Many teachers (mostly at the elementary school level). Performance artists, almost invariably. Then there's the kid behind the counter at Baskin-Robbins whose green hair and artfully applied 'smoky eyes' give the impression of an intellectually daring, outre individual, but who you discover (after about five minutes of conversation) is merely a Hot Topic addict out to annoy his parents and hide his latent homosexuality.

For the record, I apologize for this entire post.


Electronic Goose said...

The ice cream scooper description: love it!

Anonymous said...

I'm totally offended by your teacher comment. What's not cool, sexy, and popular about a gold apple broche worn on a red cardigan over a jean jumper? And those crazy holiday sweaters... I sewed flashing lights on mine in fact. Regardless, you've got to admit children's literature is the best stuff out there- and heck, we still get summer vacation!
I still love you and want to hang out, if you'll hang out with me being a quirky elementary teacher and all. Miss Jenni B