Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Hello, everyone out there. I can see the counter. I know someone's coming here. Why not be a chum and leave me a note? Provide me with some much-needed ego gratification? Besides, I wanna know who you are...for purely non-creepy purposes, of course.

Speaking of creepy purposes, did anyone catch the recent spate of news stories on Taser Parties? As many of the stories have noted they're like tupperware parties (after all, what could be more quintessentially feminine than buying expensive crap to put the food you've cooked for your family in?), but (duh) with Tasers. Ha ha! Women with weapons!, the anchors seem to say. Women with the power to defend themselves instead of just cooking! Wow, that's just *crazy!* Ha ha! Bob, what's the weather looking like tomorrow (squirms uncomfortably)?

I can just imagine--

Hostess:Now, Jane, the invitation explicitly advised you not to be late. Would you put down your purse and come up here for a demonstration, please? *Zaaaap*
Jane: Aaaaaaarrrrruuuuuuugh.

Apparently they're available in a range of colors, including metallic pink. Get a new Barbie or Dora the Explorer Taser for the young women in your life! (Ok, I just made that up, but still--metallic pink? This is a weapon, dude. Would anyone buy a metallic pink Beretta? Maybe I don't want to know the answer...) Many problems with this. How best to tackle them...

Well, there's the fact that women still need such items in the first place; but because the world isn't going to change overnight (though castrating sex offenders might be a step in the right direction--ahem), the fact that companies are preying on women's fear of attack/sexual assault to sell such a product is also disturbing. I guess what bothers me is that these are emphatically WOMEN'S events; the idea of using tasers to defend yourself has been thoroughly feminized in this instance, made into a fun little get-together in order to strip women's need for self-protection of all political and social overtones. The problem isn't that you live in a society where one in four women will ultimately be sexually assaulted; the problem is that you don't have a bright pink Taser. Use your power as a consumer rather than your power as a activist, your power as a mother or sister, your power as a woman. Enough with "Sisterhood is Powerful." What's powerful is 50,000 volts to some guy's junk (which is undeniably true, but doesn't make the former any less important).

What would I like to see instead? Passion Parties. A make love, not war kinda thing. Put down that Taser, that Mary Kay, that Pampered Chef whatever, and pick up a Jack Rabbit vibrator, a silicone butt plug, and a bottle of Lickety Lube (though I've gotta say, all the flavored lubricant I've ever been, shall we say, fortunate enough to encounter has tasted like a cross between cough syrup and saran wrap). Or there's Pure Romance. Of course, these aren't always the highest-quality sex toys...for those, go to Blowfish or Good Vibrations. Come to think of it, my old Good Vibrations catalogs are probably still coming to the co-op I left last year. Hmmm. Maybe one of the freshmen will find a catalog in the mailroom and get a little education.


Anonymous said...

I admit, I help your counter keep tickin' upwards (at least when I'm not working more than 60 hours a week). Your writing is so good I just keep coming back for more... (although I'm not even quite sure where I ever got the link from).

Hope you're well,
(that crazy dish-washing and mopping-with-bleach, fanatic)

The Anonymous Therapist said...

I'm reading this. You fascinate me in an "intellectually intriguing" way, not in the more typical "creepy internet stalker" way.