Monday, November 12, 2007

Oh my Jeevis, is it that time again already? I think I feel the stirrings of surging progesterone and my estrogen done fell off a cliff. To those not endocrinologically inclined, it's PMS time. And thus, time for another rousing edition of Things (and People) that Piss Me Off.

1. Nameless guy at the gym who gets on the treadmill, cranks it to 10 mph, and then holds on to the grip bar with one hand (pounding LOUDLY and in an inconsistent rhythm) like he's had one arm amputated and just managed to catch the door of the bus to The Free Money, Beer and Sex Club with the other. Dude, you're not conditioning yourself in ANY way. You're teaching your body bad habits. You're asking to either have your arm ripped out of its socket or your knees reduced to cartilage pudding. I've tried being a good example (look, I'm running at 8 mph but my hands--ta da!--are nowhere near the grip bar! See how cool and un-annoying that is?), I've tried glaring. I thought maybe I was alone in my loathing until the girl at the front desk told me, "Man, I hate that guy." Vindication!
2. Mitt Romney. Not because he's Mormon, not because he's Republican, but because he's a tool. Ok, maybe a little bit because he's Republican.
3. The writer's strike. I want my Daily Show and Colbert Report, dammit. Couldn't care less about Letterman et al, but don't deny me Jon and Stephen! They make an otherwise bleak social and political system livable, like the underground leaders of Potterwatch in H.P. and the Deathly Hallows (yes, I think that's an apt comparison, and yes, it's probably not the most academic example I could come up with, but screw it, maybe I'm on strike too).
4. The following grammatical errors/ words and phrases: "irregardless." It's not a word. Stop using it. "Pacifically." Unless you're discussing the ocean between California and Japan, you're using the wrong word. "Whenever" confused with "when," as in, "She got out of surgery whenever they finished fixing the hole in her heart." Unless they fixed the hole in her heart multiple times, you want the word "when." See the difference?
More to come. I'm tired.

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