Thursday, February 14, 2008

Apparently my GI upset has been...drumroll, please...irritable bowel. And speaking of irritable, isn't that mostly just a diagnosis they throw at people when they can't think of/find evidence for anything else? Isn't it the gastroenterologist's "idiopathic"? Please don't feel the need to placate me with a diagnosis that is not in fact a diagnosis. Feel free to tell me, "Hell, nothing's wrong with you. Go home and eat some fiber and try to control your stress." For that matter, feel free to say, "We don't actually know what the deal is. There's something going on, but damned if we can figure out what or why. We'll get back to you." On the plus side, about 8 hours of my Tuesday were lost, never to return, in a haze of Demerol and Versed (and Benadryl, on account of I was a little wired pre-procedure). Potent stuff, boys and girls. The last thing I remember is the nurse turning me into the left decubitus position (on my left side, basically, legs bent) and injecting "something to help you relax" into my IV port.

I know I got home somehow; I know my clothes somehow got onto my body, and that I ended up in bed at my house; I have no idea how it happened. Gnomes could have helped me on with my jeans and I could've taken a flying carpet home. No clue. So to anyone who needs a colonoscopy/EGD and is putting it off, let me say this: the prep is the worst part. The prep is the seventh layer of hell, with retching and running to the bathroom and so many glasses of miralax you can feel your insides starting to turn into polyethylene glycol. Also, a clear liquid diet isn't the most fun ever (you can have popsicles and jello but no red or blue food coloring. So, basically, you can have orange popsicles--maybe--and orange or lemon jello. Who eats anything but cherry jello? Or maybe lime? BS). BUT. the procedure itself is actually kinda fun, in that you don't remember it at all and get what my friends call "the fun drugs."

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