Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I wanted to embed this video of the Wailin Jennys singing "Long Time Traveller," but couldn't figure it out. Yeah, yeah, whatever you're about to suggest, I probably tried it. Move along now.
I swear I'm not technologically retarded; I can hack together a little something in HTML if the situation calls for it, I'm all up in the interwebs...but damned if everyone over the age of 50 doesn't assume, based solely on my age, that I am an expert on all things technological.
"Honey, can you come over and program the VCR?"
"Mom, it's a DVR. That's the whole reason you got it--because it's better than a VCR."
"Right. Well, come fix it. Your father's about to have a stroke messing around with it."
Maybe people born after, say, 1985 do have a certain affinity for computers, video games, gadgets, etc. that older folks lack. Like after '85 they (and I mean they in the most paranoid, unmedicated schizophrenic sort of sense) started replacing ever-larger portions of our brains with computer chips. We are brothers, the TI-89 and I. We will walk arm in arm into the future. Never completely figured that damn machine out, either.

I've been looking through the self-improvement classes that the local university offers, "Communiversity," and while there are some interesting offerings (Bellydancing; Thai Cooking; Discover your Erotic Self) I noticed there are many classes I'd like to see that just aren't out there. Here are some of the classes I'd like to take:

Food and Drink
FUD101: Eating on a Student's Budget, even Though you're not a Student Anymore and the Dining Hall is but a Distant Memory
***Advanced FUD101 Seminar, for those working in a University or Hospital Environment: How to Meet 100% of Your Nutritional Needs Through Food Available At Meetings around Your Workplace (hint: a white lab coat and an inexpensive stethoscope are wise investments. If you've worked at the hospital longer than 6 months, you're as oriented as the majority of the residents).
FUD201: How to Explain, So People Will Understand, That Vegetarians Don't Eat Fish. Or Chicken.

Life Skills
LIF101:How to Make Everyone Love You, Including Your Boss, Your Consistently Undemonstrative Parents, and that Ex You Really Wish Would Come Back
LIF207: Multiple Orgasms--Are You Having Them? If You Have To Ask, You're Probably Not.
LIF345: Self-Esteem for the Writer, or How Not to Run Screaming to the Nearest Bridge after You Recieve Your 4th Rejection Letter in a Row
LIF501: How to Radiate Universal Compassion and Peace at All Times, Even When You're In a Hurry and You Get Stuck Behind the 57 Bus for the 3rd F*cking Day In A Row.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

RE: Over 50. Hey, some of us can write HTML and program the DVR! Even tune a carburetor if needed, and cook when the urge strikes.

Anne said...

Ok, I'm sorry. I know there are lots of 50+ folks who could blow me out of the water with their mad technological skillz. As for a carburetor, I know what it does, and approximately where it is in my car, but if you asked me to tune it up...It'd be like asking me to do an appendectomy with a spork. Actually, I might have better luck with that one.