Sunday, March 02, 2008

You know you're a big dork when someone asks you if you want to get high and your first thought isn't, "Is it good stuff?" or "What are the odds I'm going to get randomly drug tested at work next week?" but rather "What neurotransmitters does THC work on again? I know dopamine's one of them, but there's another one...one with a weird name..." and you have to run up to your room and google it before you can give the person a definitive yes or no. NB: It's called 'anandamide,' with 'ananda' being the Sanskrit word for bliss. Bonus dork points if, the last time you partook of such a substance (no mention of when that was, except that you were young and foolish! Oh so foolish!) you started getting uncoordinated and stumbly and said, "Oops. There go the basal ganglia!" Which caused one of your friends, who was also high, to say, "Have you considered that things like that are the reason scientists don't have more normal friends?" To be honest, I thought there must be other more basic, inherent dysfunctions at work. But if blabbing about neuroanatomy while intoxicated isn't indicative of some basic dysfunction...what is?

Now fun work stories.

Overheard in the hallway:
Environmental Services Guy #1: I can't do nothing to him on the job. I take care of my business. But if I meet him after work--
ESG #2: What you gonna do?
ESG #1: I will meet him in the parking lot and beat his ass. I don't care.
[Little old lady walking by turns her head and stares at him, appalled]
ESG #2: Not you, ma'am. You have a nice day, now.

During my annual performance review, which was perfunctory at best, pointless at worst:
Manager: And here's a little sheet about the performance management process.
(Pushes a sheet across the desk with "My PMP and Me" written at the top, and two smiling nurses underneath the headline. I swear I thought it said "My PIMP and Me" and I was trying so hard not to laugh I'm sure it looked like I was about to have a seizure. Doesn't that sound like the name of a horrible, horrible children's book?)
AG: Oh. Thank you so much. *bites lip harder; it's almost bleeding*

1 comment:

juan henri lopez said...

ha ha. Your're funny.