Saturday, June 21, 2008

I know it's been a while--I've been busy (busier since finishing up my job? Mais oui, jolie!).
What have I been doing? Going to numerous therapy appointments (why be shy about it?), riding my bike to said appointments, to the library, to meet people for lunch (it's a Schwinn Cimarron that looks just like the one above--purty, huh?) which means I'm getting a little bit of 'biker thigh.' Now, because I run so much I don't think I'm ever going to build up the kind of biker thighs that really scare me--you know, the ones the size of small Latin American countries?--but there's a bit more definition than there used to be. Long distance running will give you awesome calves and a butt you could bounce a quarter on, but unless you're doing a lot of hills or sprint training you're just not going to get a lot going on in the thigh department. I've been sort of training for a triathlon, or at least that's what I'm telling myself, so I'm biking 3 to 12 miles a day, depending on what I have to do that day (OK, OK, I know that's not really training--shut up already) and running 3 to 6 miles. Speaking of therapy appointments, d'you think there may be some body image work left to do? God I hate my thighs.
I've also been writing a paper--I want to submit it to "Feminist Psychology"--about how I think Borderline Personality Disorder is a bullshit diagnosis that 95% of the time gets pinned on "difficult" women with trauma histories when a PTSD or "Complex PTSD" diagnosis might be more appropriate (thanks for the new diagnostic category, Judith Herman! Props to you too, Mary C. Zanarini and Bessel Van Der Kolk! Seriously, I know I'm a dork, but I would SPAZ OUT with DELIGHT if I ever had a chance to meet BA van der Kolk or MC Zanarini. If I met Marsha Linehan, on the other hand, I might spaz out...just not, necessarily, with delight. I can say this now; if all goes according to plan and I end up practicing psychiatry and publishing extensively, slamming a colleague will suddenly be in poor taste. I may be a head case in some respects, but I'm not about to pick a fight with the woman who invented DBT--not least because I suspect she could have me killed). Or, hell, in a lot of cases, a diagnosis of "This woman was severely and chronically abused--sexually, physically, and emotionally." I'm really not being flip--I think it's fair to say that having your parents beat and/or fuck you the entire time you're growing up gives you carte blanche in the psychopathology department. Speaking of which, everyone who works with 'Borderline' patients (don't you love scare quotes for being the very bitchiest punctuation marks?) should read Judith Herman, MD's "Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence, from domestic abuse to political terror." I picked up a copy at Half Price Books a few weeks ago and the cashier looked at the title and said, "So, something fun to read by the pool?" All right, light summer reading it ain't, but it's still very, very good.
Holy crap, a Google search for Ms. Zanarini just revealed she gave $1300 to the Hillary Clinton campaign! I must admit that makes me like her even more.
And I've been painting and knitting and watching The Daily Show and the Colbert Report on Hulu. Who needs a TV when you have broadband access? Oh, yeah, and studying biochemistry to get ready for MEDICAL SCHOOL. You know, in August. That whole thing. Yeah.
I need to find an apartment in St. Louis, but every time I start thinking about all the preparations I still have to do I start hyperventilating. I'm going to have to do it soon, though, lest I end up living in a box in Forest Park--or in the library.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You do great harm to the millions of people who suffer daily at the hands of Boderlines. Calling it a "bullshit diagnosis" makes you one of the most idiotic commentators I have ever read. You should try living with one of these people.

Anonymous said...

I agree and so does the research that's been going on for the past several years. So called "borderline" PD is usually due to ongoing childhood abuse or severe neglect which leaves the child's developing brain in a hyperaroused state. In adulthood the person suffers from severe affect dysregulation, leading to, yes, very stormy relationships. But the fact that these folks are often painful to be in relationships with doesn't mean anything about the accuracy of the original post. I am also a Bessel fan; he is a genious. Have you read any Robert Scaer? He, too, is on the cutting edge of the trauma field. His book Trauma Spectrum is excellent. If you get to St. Louis I think we should meet for tea and talk. I'm in private practice--clinical social work--a couple hours north but get to St. Louis once in a while to play poker. I did some training with Bessel there a couple of years ago.

Anonymous said...

Give me a call and let's get together before you leave. I'm in the book or ask your mom.
Aunt Susie