Saturday, July 05, 2008

Howdy, y'all! I'm in my late luteal phase again, and if you read that post on the menstrual/hormonal cycle then you know that means it's time for another installment of...
Things (and people) that piss me off.

1. Neighbors who set off fireworks not merely on the 4th of July but for an entire week before and afterward. Until 1 o' clock in the morning. While drinking large amounts of beer and shouting to each other at a decibel level that is, apparently, equivalent to one hundred times their BAC squared (BAC = .12 ~ 144 dB. Seems about right). Also, the fact that I am enough of a dork to bother trying to describe the correlation between drunkenness and loudness in an algebraic model. Please feel free to use this model in the future; I only ask that I be credited. It's not a Nobel prize, but hey.
2. Rachel Ray. Maybe not forever, but at least for now. I think we've both seen this coming for a long time, Rachel. It's not me, it's you.
3. The fact that I could BUY a Latin-American dictatorship with the amount of money my school books are going to cost me. 150 and change for a biochem text? Get the hell out, and don't let the door hit you in the ass. Of course, I'm scouring Powell's et al. in search of cheaper versions... Knowledge is power all right, but it surely isn't cheap, despite what my school counselor told me.
4. The fact that every restaurant wants to put onions on every damn thing, especially the vegetarian stuff. I don't know what it is, but I can't digest onions correctly--my GI system just up and rebels every time I eat something with more than a dusting of onion powder. I'll go for a while without eating them, forget the excruciating pain and associated bathroom agony, then think to myself, "Self, surely a little mild discomfort is a small price to pay for a delicious vegetable panini with grilled onions." Twelve hours later, I am invariably thinking, "Self, you are an incredible dumbass." And then I cook at home forever, where at least I can make sure my plate is an onion-free zone.
5. Pretty much all of the patriotic country tunes they play during community fireworks shows, particularly that really twangy one that goes, "There ain't no doubt, I love this land...God bless the USA!" Not least for its inclusion of "ain't" and double negatives. If the kids today can't learn proper grammar from their jingoist, nationalistic country idols, where CAN they pick it up?


Anonymous said...

One hundred times .12 squared is 14.4.

The Nobel Selections Assembly

Anne said...

Dear Nobel--
One hundred times their BAC, squared, IS 144. I suppose I should have done it longhand, or not dropped the comma, but here it is as I conceived of it:
(100 x 0.12)= 12
12^2 = 144
Meaning the model can be written as


Lots of love,