Monday, August 04, 2008

It's been too hot to give--or, indeed, even take--a sh*t here lately. 100 today, with a heat index commensurate with the opressive humidity that marks "Misery" in August. By Wednesday it's supposed to be in the 80s, to which I can only say: About effing time. I foolishly went for a run last night, because the gym was closed and I was at that point in the evening so tightly wound that you could probably have flicked me and heard a "sproing," and I would've hated to kill certain people in my house who haven't figured out that if you run the TV and washer and downstairs AC at the same time, it blows the power out, and I lose all the important files on my computer that I've been working on for days, viz, that article on borderline personality disorder as a trauma spectrum disorder that I was thisclose to finishing (not that I'm blaming anyone), because they DON'T THINK.

Oh yes indeed, there's a story behind this one. I'll just say it: I can't live with boys. Men. Whatever. Like bears with furniture, I swear. Dishes pile up and begin forming their own tiny civilizations in the primordial crud: "Oh, I was just leaving them to soak," or, "The dishwasher's full." So RUN IT, or if it's clean, EMPTY IT. You don't need a degree in Dishwasher Operation to put in the detergent and turn the thing on. You don't need a vagina to operate the dishwasher. Your member will not fall off if you touch dishwashing detergent, I SWEAR. Would it help if I told you Peyton Manning probably does his own dishes sometimes? Don't you want to be like Peyton?

So, to blow off some steam--I went for a little jog. I should have taken the hint when NO ONE ELSE was outside, not even that cute girl who runs the same time I do and wears those little shorts that say "hot stuff" on the back. Why weren't they outside? Because it was hotter than the surface of Venus. And not in a sexy way. I think this is what we call exercise addiction. And damn, I was doing so well there for a while! Not to mention that I think I've done some Very Bad Thing to my right shoulder...possibly too many laps in the pool, or too much arm-swinging with the running, or overzealous elliptical use. It feels like something's popped out of place.

So I went for a little 3-1/2 mile jaunt and came back...DEAD. No, not really, but close, and I'm sure I smelled like something had died. A cold shower has never felt so good. Each individual drop of cold water was like a little orgasm on my skin. Seriously.

Add to the heat the fact that I have been running around like beheaded poultry trying to get things in order for financial aid, the move to St. L, and actually attending medical school (sadly, in that order), and you see why I've been away a few days, and haven't been religiously commenting on my favorite blogs (I'm looking at you, DrugMonkey, Nurse Ratched, and Nurse K--squealed apologies!).

So. A man shot up a Tennessee church because he hated its liberal leanings--especially towards "the queers." Oh Joy. Most news outlets didn't even cover the reasoning behind his rampage, and furthermore it's now dropped COMPLETELY out of the limelight. If some "liberal elitist" were, on the other hand, to shoot up a megachurch because they were tired of the relentless anti-gay or anti-choice rhetoric (of course, this probably wouldn't happen, as liberals aren't likely to have a gun rack for the Audi), you KNOW the folks at FoxSpews...I mean, News...would be flogging it for MONTHS. So we've learned the lesson--feel free to kill some queer-lovers. It's not really news. The world cares more about Britney Spears' visitation rights anyway. (Please, please, please note the extreme sarcasm).

In other news, if you're reading this, Amy T, hello! Feel free to leave a comment! It's not weird...


sej_50 said...

i would just like to relate that living with men and dishwashers makes me want to kill people (i will distinguish, however, no "queers" will be hurt)

Tracy Crowe Jones said...

Good to see you back.

When I your driving through midMo? I hope we have time to see each other.

Anonymous said...

"you don't need a vagina to operate the dishwasher"