Thursday, August 07, 2008

Truths about moving.

1. The amount of stuff you have multiplies over time. Socks mate with socks under the bed. Knicknacks undergo binary fission and become two, then four, then eight. Despite the fact that you only had six clothes hangers when you moved in, you now have seventy-three. Obviously you won't take them all with you. When you arrive at the new place, you'll have to start over again with six. Don't worry; they'll multiply given time.

2. You will never have enough boxes. This is true even if you are Ted Boxington, owner of Boxes and Co. Shipping Company. You will end up using sturdy plastic bags, or even garbage bags. You may feel like a hobo loser as you move your stuff in these bags. Don't worry; your new neighbors think the same thing.

3. You will injure yourself shortly before the move. A shoulder injury is a safe bet; go for the rotator cuff. Bursitis is also a plausible option. Back injuries work well. Note that this doesn't mean you can put off the move, or get someone else to do all the carrying; it just means you'll suffer a significant amount of pain and curse your own stupidity for thinking you needed the entire set of Encyclopedia Britannica to travel with you. I personally have chosen to go with bursitis of the shoulder, from overexercise. Excellent.

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