Saturday, September 12, 2009

"Cosmetic intervention" are-you-f*cking-kidding-me corner

So I'm flipping through O magazine in a doctor's waiting room, and I happen upon a full-page ad featuring Brooke Shields. Oh, yeah, I remember her from the 80s and 90s. Cute kid, heavy on the eyebrows. Cool. Then I notice that the ad is for--I kid you not--an ACTUAL DRUG (did you get that? A pharmaceutical formulation. A drug) called Latisse, intended to cure the life-shattering ill that is hypotrichosis. Waitaminit, I say to myself. Trichosis--that's 'hair.' As in trichotillomania, when people compulsively pull their hair out (knew a girl in high school who did this--she had a cute side-part all the time, and it was only when I spent the night at her house that I discovered it was covering a silver-dollar sized bald spot), or hypertrichosis, the overgrowth of fine downy body hair that I experienced when I was way underweight in college. So hypertrichosis is...not enough hair?

Right enough, but in this case it refers to--as the makers of Latisse say on their web site--'inadequate eyelashes.' Wow. Now the ballsiness of this alone was almost sufficient to send me into conniptions. Now not having the lush, luxuriant lashes of a mascara model is a clinical disorder. "Once you begin treatment," the site promises--TREATMENT, for the love of Christ--you will begin to see increases in eyelash darkness, thickness and length within four months (I will say that it appears to work--Brooke's eyelashes look downright shaggy). In the 'safety' section, it is mentioned that some people experience eye irritation and redness. Or darkening of the eyelids. Or eye infections, if it isn't applied correctly. Also it may darken your irises permanently, and you have to keep using it for as long as you would like to remain in possession of your newly bat-worthy eyelashes. Mostly the folks at Allergan just wanted to remind you that deviations from the standard of Western female beauty, no matter how small, can be considered illnesses, and that you're never good enough as you are.

Oh my goddess, this is so lame I almost had a seizure.

1 comment:

Kathryn said...


Consumerist has been rightfully harping on this also, never fear.