Monday, October 12, 2009

What's the Big Secret?

Ok, they're not that big. They're actually little secrets. The ones you don't want people to know, not because you would be dragged before the tribunal at Nuremberg but rather because you know people would think of you a little differently--perhaps more negatively. Not the big, horrible, need-therapy-to-deal-with-it shames, but those things you wouldn't even tell your therapist. Because they're too small, but also because she'd think of you differently, too. The things that aren't crimes but rather matters of style, that would mark you as crass or a nympho or deeply un-PC. We all have them. Put up one or two of yours! Seriously. I know people read this but no one ever comments.

1. I love poetry. Love it to pieces. But...I really can't stand Maya Angelou's poems. I am aware that this makes me a bad person.
2. I have a thing for older women. Not 'elderly,' but older, and definitely powerful (Kissinger was right about power being an aphrodisiac. Was that Kissinger?). At various times in my life I've crushed out on Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, Meryl Streep and Madonna. And on numerous female members of the Cornell and WUSM faculty.
3. In most areas of my life I am utterly nonjudgmental. You can be gay, bi, trans, straight; into SM or roleplaying or leather; you can smoke, drink and gamble. However, I cannot abide errors in punctuation or spelling. I have actually not entered restaurants just because of mispunctuated signs.
4. I haven't read Moby Dick, or The Grapes of Wrath, or Great Expectations. Nor do I particularly wish to. I can couch this in feminist ire by saying that literature by dead white men is overrated, but the truth is I'm too lazy. At the same time...
5. If I see you reading Nora Roberts or Danielle Steele on the Metro, I will judge you. Again, I realize this makes me a bad person.
6. I HAVE to exercise every day. If I don't, I am secretly convinced that I will gain 20 pounds and lose all my cardiovascular fitness. The only day this doesn't apply is the first day of my period, when I'm not in a condition to be exercising anyway.
7. I've been drinking it since college, but I still can't stand the taste of coffee. Vicious bitterness, that's what it is. Finishing the dregs in the bottom of the cup often makes me feel that I am literally about to vomit... which is why I often throw the last 1/4 to 1/6 of the cup away.
8. Speaking of beverages...before I got nice stemware (read: 1.49 a piece at World Market) I occasionally drank red wine out of a coffee mug. Classy.


Tracy Crowe Jones said...

Love it! Love you!

Anonymous said...

So... this is weird, but as a medical student I was wondering what you know about how good the sea sponge is at letting you have sex on your period without making a mess. This isn't a fake question. I read your posts on plan b and you seem very knowledgable on many women's subjects.

Kelsey said...

I also throw out a large portion of my coffee.

I use my eighty pound dog to terrify the (largely scary, largely Mexican) men in my neighborhood. Sometimes I accidentally let him slip to the end of his leash if they seem too close or vulgar. Whoops.

I hate classical music. I read music, play flute and piano, and have taken two classes on the history of music. I would rather listen