Sunday, November 29, 2009

TMI Alert. Colonoscopy in t-minus eleven hours. After which I will be able to eat some damn food. Because you know it's gonna be fun when having a flexible tube inserted into your lower gastrointestinal tract (so as to avoid the obvious and vulgar descriptor, 'shoved up your ass') ISN'T the worst part of the overall experience.
So what is? Could be the colonoscopy prep (if you don't already know what that entails, don't google it. I would say it's something like amoebic dysentery, but as I have recently learned in my GI Pathology course, amoebic dysentery would actually result in LESS voluminous diarrhea). Could be the fact that the prep solution--of which I had to drink two liters--did NOT taste like ass. Ass would have been a profound improvement. It was somehow simultaneously salty and sweet and sour and after the first sip I felt certain I was going to vomit--which, fortunately, I did not. Just retching, which is like vomiting without the catharsis and satisfaction. Overall, though, it was just as well. Because, as I discovered later in the evening, I really couldn't have afforded to lose that fluid--or those electrolytes.
Could be that I've been on a clear liquid diet all day, which originally sounded like a good thing to my ED, but has now left me guessing at what precisely defines clear liquid, not to mention getting headachy and bitchy (more so than usual). Thus far that has meant: Coffee, yes. But with no skim milk. Vegetable bouillion, yes. But with no saltines. And, of course, diet coke. On the plus side: no abdominal pain this evening, which I'm attributing to the lack of food. On the minus side: dude, did you read this post at all?

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