Monday, February 08, 2010

It's that time of the month again (or of the quarter, or of the fiscal year, based on the regularity of my cycle): THINGS (AND PEOPLE) WHICH PISS ME OFF.

1. Ann Coulter. Not sure if she's a thing or a person. What makes it worse, she's hot. For some reason it's worse when mind-blowingly foul vitriol is spewed from a pretty little mouth. Like finding out that Carebears (tm, and a fond memory of my childhood) crap nuclear waste, and are secretly Fascists.

2. That on a cold crappy day like today I can't have a decent pot pie, because no one makes vegetarian pot pies, and even if I were willing to compromise my veggie convictions, a Marie Callender chicken pot pie runs over 1000 calories and more than 100% of a day's fat. Dammit, why are things that are so delicious (I remember eating these with relish as a kid) so horrible for you? And as they're a ConAgra product, so horrible for the political and agricultural environment?

3. Missing the train and standing in the snow for twenty minutes.

4. There being no fewer than two questions on the exam today that, on first seeing them, made me say quietly to myself, "We never f*cking covered that."

5. Rush Limbaugh.

6. Sudden bouts of panic that assault you in the frozen foods aisle of Schnucks.

7. Blargh.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

My panic attacks have been horrible lately--multiple times a day, some stretching past the usual five minute mark and into double-digit territory. Thirty minutes is a long time to be diaphoretic, tachycardic, dyspneic and nauseous, convinced that Something Terrible, which you can't actually name but which you dread as much as if not more than death itself, is coming for you.
I'm trying to study for Neuro and Psych (ha), but I can't help feeling...disgruntled that so many of my colleagues are procrastinating and studying and focusing, while my primary goal the past few days has been to get from waking up in the morning to falling asleep at night without being sucked into a black vortex of terror. It's killing my appetite. I've been living on ramen, diet coke and alprazolam (Xanax--for you kids currently studying the pharmacology of anxiolytics, it's a medium-short-acting benzodiazepine [parentheses within parentheses--faster onset than clonazepam, unless of course you have sublingually dissolving Klonopin wafers, and slower onset than lorazepam, ie Ativan]).