Saturday, September 04, 2010

Ten reasons Lady Gaga can't step to Madonna (who she consistently names as one of her major 'influences):

1. Gaga: a collection of sounds often uttered by babies, or a euphemism for being crazy/insensible. Madonna: another name for the Mother of Christ. Advantage: Madonna.

2: Madonna was one of the most influential style icons of the late 80s and early 90s. Lady Gaga dresses like an acid-addled street person who somehow gained access to an American Express Gold Card in a parallel universe. Or like architecture.

3. 'Bad Romance' vs. 'Express Yourself.' Or to be more explicit, in the 'how fatuous are these lyrics?' department--"Ra ra ah ah ah, Roma, roma ma, Gaga Oohlala..." vs. "Long stemmed roses are the way to your heart but he needs to start with your head...satin sheets are very romantic, what happens when you're not in bed?" Random syllables vs. feminist empowerment. Exactly.

4. Madonna's videos were subversive enough to get banned from TV and decried by the Vatican (the one where she made out with a black saint? Anyone remember?). Gaga's videos are subvers...oh, wait. They're not.

5. Even though she's old enough to be my mother, and even though she's got a weird Ms. Muscle-America/emaciated Buddha thing going on right now, I would still bite the bullet and make out with Madonna fifty times before I'd consider Lady Gaga.

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