Friday, March 30, 2012


“If you’ve got a message, send a telegram.” –Samuel Goldwyn on writing

Firstly I believe in Truth and God and Love
and that those three are synonymous
and that anyone who forgets it
is not so much sinful as lost.
I believe that honest sex is more sacred than a catechism half-believed
and that orgasm is a form of prayer.
I believe in laughing hysterically and I believe in crying hysterically and
I believe that we must love one another or die.
I believe that living sucks and I believe that living rocks and mostly I believe
it’s what happens while your mind is wandering.
I believe in pain and beauty, in birth and death
and most of all in resurrection
and I believe because all these things are inherently messy
there must be great value in mess.
I believe that there is such a thing as medicine for the brain
and that there is no Zoloft for the soul
and that tea and sympathy are the best known cures
for existential dread.
I believe that humanity is ever-redeemable
And I believe we are impossibly imperfectable
And that there is nothing comparable
To the awesome grandeur of grace.
I believe that Mary was a virgin and
I believe that Mary was a mother and
I believe her hymen wouldn’t have been such an issue
if more early theologians
had been getting laid.
I believe that if I truly believed that God was like my father
I would be an atheist, or dead.
I believe it is insulting to call virginity ‘taken’
unless it was lost as mine was
amidst clenched fists and bleeding lips and tears.
I believe being ‘taken’ destroyed something brilliant in me
and I believe it planted something dark inside me
and for all that I still believe
it helped make me what I am.
I believe that someday ‘taken’
will fade from use like a treated stain
and every woman will give herself, or keep herself, in joy.
I believe the language of conquest degrades—
both the conquered  and the conqueror.
I believe in chakras and I believe in auras
and I believe in double-blind placebo controlled
studies and PhDs.
I believe small violences beget global pains,
that being is suffering but that hopelessness is unwarranted,
and that there are no tricks in plain and simple faith.
I believed as a girl that I was meant
to be a virgin martyr
until at eleven I lost my qualifications
and learned that the world had martyrs enough.
I believe in fresh flowers and aged cheese,
in hot baths and cold showers
and licking my own wounds clean
in quiet fortitude.
I believe that the unspeakable can be spoken
but only at a cost,
and that even so it is less dear than the price of silence.
I believe that agnosticism
is the refuge of those who can afford not to be desperate
and that skepticism and faith are cousins
if not conjoined twins.
I believe in the strength of women holding hands
and I believe in the power of sisterhood and
I believe that last night I saw the moon
grin at me and so I believe in sheer sacred lunacy.
I believe.

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